February 18th, 2005

Time: 11:21 am

i know that feeling.

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February 15th, 2005

Current Music: the postal service Time: 12:17 pm Current Mood: awake

i need to go. somewhere. anywhere. i need a vacation or an expedition. i am getting sick of myself and the mundane chores that has become my life. i am falling into a rut and thinking that i just need to 'get by'. i am failing to realize that this is my life. fuck. and although i am single i wasn't as upset about valentine's day as i thought i was going to be. valentine's day was never really a big deal for me, why should you appreciate your loved one on one specific day? i think it means so much more if there were no expectations. but whatever. i know there are people that love me. and i got amazing cookies from my parents so that makes everything a little bit better. :) and also, i like these moments of single-ness (eventhough i say i hate them). i am really not all that jealous of people that have relationships (i just miss kisses and cuddling). i don't have time for a boyfriend. i have a life. i like flirting with random people and daring myself to make eyes at people on the street. i like making fun of all the mushy stuff that shawn does for emily because above all they are cute, i have to admit that. both of those people are so fucking adorable i can't stand it. i just need to learn how to love being single. and that's slowly happening. slowly. i am sick of people lying to me (including myself). winter changes me into someone i hate. but february is a short month. and then march comes with spring break. and then april is hopefully going to be beautiful. and then school ends, and then summer. and then my life begins to get more intense...sort of.

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February 6th, 2005

Time: 04:55 pm

i just don't want to be that accesible.

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Subject: alright. Time: 01:04 am

nothing better to do on a friday night but drown my sorrows and lonliness in a sea of serenity where i am the only girl. the most beautiful. the most loved. the most secure. my raisined, skinny fingers brush my saturated locks- swishing them back and forth through the lavender filled water while i look up into oblivion. creating waves in my stream of consciousness. creating waves destroying my small world. i can feel my pores drinking and allowing the sweet scent to invade my bruised and battered fascade. i'll be alright. i'm always alright. i cross my legs and arms to submerge my whole body in the four by three feet vast sea. but it only allows for so much. well, not so much. my knees still act as islands. and the tiny, prickly hairs on my bony joints are the trees. water drops look like diamonds when they follow the beaten path of my home grown trees. following tiny tears wept from the sea that found themself on my knee. my body rises. drops are skimming up to my thigh all the way to the plain of my stomach. my flesh seems to go on for miles. my scars are memories (for better or worse) that marked their place on my life. on my body. my bruises (emotional and physical) are just bumps along the way- there, but not for long. it's alright, though. it's always alright. the once too warm water becomes too cool. it changed into something i don't want anymore. like you. you were once so wonderful, beautiful, magical. you were something i never thought i would have. could have. but that beauty and magic quickly morphed into a darkness and hopelessness that i wouldn't want. couldn't want. you tried to pull me into this new world but instead i brought myself out. i left you. the destruction. feeling thousands of individual beads roll down my flesh as i bring myself into the blanket of cool air. warm drops of my own emotional sea mix with thousands on my face. my chilled skin. it's a shock. i don't have the comfort of the sea. i don't need it. i'll be alright. i am alright.

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February 3rd, 2005

Current Music: the postal service Subject: if you do one thing in your life...read this........ Time: 12:05 pm Current Mood: silly

i feel like laughing. or crying. or maybe that laughing so hard i cry. wait, i already did that today! the greatest thing happened while emily and i were trecking to school. we got on the T, one was waiting for us...perfect timing. at the arlington stop (weird things always seem to happen at arlington...but i'll get to that later) emily is by the door so she gets off to let people off and the doors close right after her and another person get off. just like that open, close, BAM! so i am stuck on the train with a more than shocked look on my face and i start to reach out my hand like rose and jack do in the titanic. and em's face was priceless. shocked, scared, just all around everything i could ever ask for on a thursday morning. just to let you know, that lingering and outreached hand with the doors closed and our shocked/ frightened faces lasted probably about 3 seconds. the doors opened and emily got on with me safe and sound and we laughed so hard we cried all the way to boylston. :) it was the most dramatic and funniest 3 seconds i have ever experienced! the second most dramatic and funniest few seconds of my life happened on tuesday on the corner of boylston and arlington (SEE! what's with weird arlington experiences?!). so i am walking home from class around 4 in the afternoon. minding my own business, listening to my rocking music. and suddenly this black man steps infront of me, blocking me from crossing the street. and there was a huge mound of snow so i really was trapped between him, traffic, and snow. you wouldn't believe the next thing that happened. HE HUGGED ME! he seriously bear hugged me. right in the street! right there on the corner of arlington and boylston! so after i register that a homeless man is hugging me at that moment. i hugged him back a little (maybe he knew i was a hug whore). while he was saying "I'M HYPNOTIZED, BABY! HYPNOTIZED BY YOUR BEAUTY!" (ask me to do an impression, it's great if i do say so myself) i think i said "haha, that's nice" but i was thinking...ok, wow. a homeless man is hugging me and is hypnotized by my beauty. awesome. he is going to knife me or inject me with something and rape me. cool. i managed to weasel myself out of the bear hug and finished crossing the street. he still kept yelling that he was hypnotized by my beauty. i finally screamed THANKS! and then he yelled back "BABY THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SAY YES!!!" so finally i said "alright. YES!" and then quickly walked away and laughing hysterically. and got funny stares from people that saw what happened. i have to say that i think i am in love with that man. that crazy, easily hypnotized, bear-hugging man! can you believe it? because i still can't. this has been a crazy week and it isn't even over yet. phew!

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January 31st, 2005

Time: 03:39 pm

four lettered words are the best words.

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January 27th, 2005

Subject: thoughts and cares... Time: 01:03 pm

i am locked up in a wooden cage that's housed in the corner of the library- those desks that shut you off from the surrounding noise that whispers and vibrates through the silence and makes you curious as to what is happening and who else is captured. i am trapped. just let me out to prowl and scuffle my feet against the worn carpet of the never-ending maze of leather bound books filled with tiny black letters on hundreds of off white pages. you'll find me scimming and scoping out what hasn't been seen. i'll find something of meaning in something that has no meaning. looking deep in between the lines of a worn out passage from a poet lost in their own thoughts and cares. the leather has been fondled by too many people to not be affected. tiny rips in the paper catch my fingers off guard while i attach my own meaning to the words already labeled with meaning from its creator. i choke on the residue made from the ideas. images created from my own world inside of me. words evoking more than they ever asked for. more than they ever wanted. i lie in my hidden aisle catching my breath in between the books on history and humans. the present time is fleeting. it's gone. i am gone. lost away. i lost my cares. i am lost in my cares. they were locked up in that wooden cage. they seeped into the pores of the graffitied pine. cheap pine. expensive thoughts. passing thoughts. important cares. breaking free from that prison. sips of the air make me realize i will never be a prisoner of that cage but of my own free will.

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January 23rd, 2005

Current Music: the men in my life: ben harper, gavin degraw, and flickerstick. Subject: please don't ask. this is my time and these are my thoughts...ramblings need no explanation. Time: 06:11 pm Current Mood: mellow

in the snow storm. nothing better to do but over-analyze my life to the point of no return. it was the one you would never think of. the one you never knew. and the one you will never understand. it was me. "you're the secret i keep." -cary brothers. you creep into my vacant mind when i lie in bed at night.. you steal the thoughts i would rather be thinking. i hurt as i convince myself that everything was a dream, but i can't help but imagine those fleeting moments with sensations attached. remembering to forget. but most importantly remembering so i won't forget. everything was honest. hate is a powerful thing. use it wisely. life is so frustrating sometimes. why do things happen at specific moments? "some things never change. some things never stay the same." -ben harper. things just work out. answers come when you are searching for them. i love it! lyrics spark silent conversations with myself. debating and relating. writing nonsense. i take relationships for granted. i never knew i had it so good. i am underestimated. i hide my true feelings, but everyone does. rejection. vulnerability. that shit hurts but sometimes you just have to say it, do it, or not worry about it. i think everyone wants to disappear just a little bit only to see who will try and find them. (i hope you try and find me when i'm gone) place me in your picture frame. please. remember me and how it was. how it will always be in my memory. and hopefully yours. (wonderful) "i want to see you as you want to be seen." -citizen cope. oh, and my favorite color is blue. dedicated to the ones that stole and will steal my heart. thanks for everything. "even angels need love too" -ben harper. (i'm so dramatic)

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January 20th, 2005

Subject: new brief: Time: 11:07 pm

i have really hot friends. and a big happy birthday to my mommala and my fantabulous friend willy g!!!

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January 18th, 2005

Current Music: citizen cope Time: 09:37 pm Current Mood: cold

first day of classes went well. i am really excited about my history of photography class because the teacher is really funny and seems enthused about the material. so far so good. i can't even begin to describe how COLD it is here. it's quite ridiculous actually. i am just glad i have a long jacket and some mittens. i went all winter last year without mittens, i have no idea how i seemed to manage that...even thinking about it makes me shiver. i have auditions on thursday night...i may not go, i'm still thinking about it. i went to sugar hell heaven to get my schedule and they got in PEANUT BUTTER KIT KATS. i bought one. holy hell that shit was amazing. but i have been really good about not eating candy (one of my new years resolutions) so i thought i could binge just a little. also, i am cleaning my room. for those of you that know how messy i am, you realize the problem. but it's going to get clean, I PROMISE. aaaaand, i am going to keep it clean so emily can leave my door open when company comes ;) and now a word from my frustration: whatever, i don't need a man, I HAVE ART! (i do, though!) i feel like i am boring.

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January 17th, 2005

Current Music: the shins. Subject: the good times are killing me... Time: 01:56 pm Current Mood: creative

back in beantown. everything feels different now. maybe the carefree-ness has finally latched itself to me...! this christmas break was the most time i have spent at home since coming to emerson. also, i had the best time during this break probably since living in florida. it was that awesome. i did everything that i wanted to do during this break and more. i even got to scratch off some things on my to-do before i die list! here are some of my wonderful memories: the airport pick up...thank you chub. seeing my adopted grandparents and my second family...i love those people! sacred heart...the human canvas. christmas in savannah and seeing my awesome family! new years, new epiphanies, new people, new experiences. fun times with the old gang...jersey, willy g, and chris. i bar with my girlfriend and best friend. dancing to 80s music!! blazed beyond belief. st. augustine. my self-prescibed mental health day...calls, camera broke, and lonely beach. jersey's apartment and my take a nap kind of night. giving blood for the first time! sunbathing in my back yard. disney!!! getting my heart...impulse tattoo. (kind of.) seeing my wife and her girlfriend...i forgot how beautiful they both are, as well as how much they rock (and how much i missed them)! my abounding doctors appointments. casadega and getting a reading. seeing FLICKERSTICK! such an awesome concert. thank you for that chubs. :) my last night in paradise...i love my friends! (and their music collections) and now i am back in the snow. (but that's ok.) what am i? i am your little artist. oh the calls. i am tragically attracted to you. ok...what about now?. teaching jersey how to dance. humping the door frame (not me). confusion. you're lovely. forgetting my license. driving in fog. polariod transfers. firsts and lasts. what are we? being so desperate that i asked my brother to make a call. late night denny's. i like good music. rockin the casbah. i never. kiss me numb. remembering to forget. i love it when firsts become lasts.

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January 8th, 2005

Subject: greatest... Time: 04:01 pm

You scored as Drama nerd. </td> Drama nerd 81% Punk/Rebel 75% Stoner 69% Loner 63% Geek 50% Ghetto gangsta 31% Goth 13% Prep/Jock/Cheerleader 6% What's Your High School Stereotype? created with QuizFarm.com

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January 7th, 2005

Current Music: ben harper Subject: random ramblings... Time: 03:36 pm Current Mood: thirsty

insecurity is a bitch. jealousy is pointless. maturity doesn't exist. making me laugh makes me like you more. sometimes doing nothing is the best thing you can do. i am who ever you want me to be. people get an idea of me and stick to it so it's pointless for me to try and sway you in any way. but what i forget is that everyone is like me. HUMAN. i believe that everyone posseses every possibility, it's just a matter of tapping into it. like, when you are born you literally could do anything regardless of nature or nurture. maybe i am just a huge optimist. (or pessimist.) but i believe that people take the easy route- judgement and prefabricated opinions. people create images of other people based on the opinon of others regardless of intentions and truth. but is there such thing as truth of character? that's a whole other topic... i am a bitch. i am an artist. i am confident. i am the girl who has too many crushes for her own good. i am the girl of your dreams. i am a funny, ridiculous girl that always smiles. i am flawed. i am the responsible one. i am looking for love and happiness in my life. i am tragically insecure. i am really not that interesting at all. i am a simple human complexly put together. i am painfully curious. i am independent and opinionated. i am sexual. i am political. i am vain and superficial. i am who you think i am...whatever that is. don't be surprised if i surprise you. the eye is my new favorite body part. oh the wonder! just think of what it can do and it's mostly made of water...i just think it's so fucking cool but i'm a dork. maybe it's because i got contacts...i don't know but eyes are aweseome!! garden state is such a gorgeous film. it makes me mad that i wasn't and couldn't be a part of creating it in any way. i hope one day i will be a part of something that emotional, beautiful, and provocative. sometimes introspection is not necessarily a bad thing but it gets to be quite overwhelming. it's so easy for me to see the wrong in the world. i would love to tap into someoone's mind and see how they see the world. organized religion gives me the heebie jeebies. it's just not for me. i wish it was though. i wish i could consider catholisim my religion from birth to death, but i can't. i can't invest my time and energy into something that i didn't adopt with my whole being and that i don't necessarily agree with. i wish i were one of those people that was satisfied with what was in front of them. but i'm not. i am spoiled, greedy, and selfish. so be it. expectations make me want to rebel. "the less you expect the more you'll be pleased" -ben harper.

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January 1st, 2005

Current Music: ben fucking harper Time: 06:49 pm Current Mood: nostalgic

good bye 2004 and hello to ( 2005 ) i still can't believe that 2004 is now over. weird. years go by so fast. what the hell was i doing in 2004?! what am i doing with my life?!?! anyways...so last night was fun. ended the night at denny's with chris, lino, and lino's girlfriend ashley. good times. i got to see people i haven't seen in years and have never seen before. i went to my first high school party that wasn't a cast party (i'm a junior in college...kinda backwards, huh?). and i officially know that i wasn't missing out on anything which comforts me, i guess. i don't miss high school one bit. i miss some of the people that i met but i don't think i would go back. it was too much to handle. i've forgotten how out of place i feel and have felt. the feeling of being uncomfortable is exciting to me in some instances but not when i feel ostracized as well, then i just get filled with anxiety and that's no good. when i am in florida i feel so different...i think that's why i feel like time kind of stops when i am home. maybe i am confused with comfort...maybe. but, i've never felt the comfort i get from being home until now. i feel comfortable with myself (body, mind, everything) as well as relationships i have with people. i have this so called carefree attitude that florida is always associated with...which is weird. why is this carefree attitude kicking in now?! now when i have to go back to the cold, rigid snowy land that is boston. but i love boston. i really do. (trust me) my worlds are so different. so i have about two weeks to do nothing and everything i have always planned on doing. :) that means disney, going to a fortune teller, beach, and some other cool stuff...but we'll see if i actually do any of those plans. but that's life. right? sigh. happy new year, everyone.

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December 31st, 2004

Current Music: jet Time: 07:56 pm Current Mood: devious

i'm home. i have been for a while. it feels so weird and i don't know why. like my whole life is ahead of me but i still have time standing still at home...it's just weird. i am getting contacts. my thyroid is still out of whack...that means i have to go to a specialist. yay. i also got my hair cut and highlighted... ( new year, new look ) i have been having extreme anxiety recently...seeing people i have known for years but now i don't know them at all. (that's why i haven't called anyone to hang out...sorry for that) maybe it's because i feel like i have changed. i know i have and i'll be the first to admit it. how can independance not change someone? i am glad this year is over. i just want my life to get on with itself. i want to be old now, is that weird? yes. i want to have a house and a dog and a life that's steady. but that will never happen in my field...i've accepted that fact. well, not really. i guess i'll cut the crap and say what i came here to say... happy fucking new year. go kiss some random person that you barely know or someone that you truly love. (because it's all the same, right?...who thought of that stupid kiss idea for new years?)

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December 18th, 2004

Current Music: modest mouse Time: 09:53 am Current Mood: crazy

i have the craziest life ever. and this weekend... ...whoa! stories and pictures later!

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December 16th, 2004

Subject: procrastinating... Time: 03:05 am

favorite things: playing checkers, walks on the beach, sunsets, tulips, nature, shoes, instrumental music, puppies, waterfalls, sunshine, cuddling, running, stripes, circuses, stars, playing in the snow, recycling, the beatles, feeling warm but not hot, watching old ladies, bike riding, polka dots, shopping, cartwheels, swimming, sailing, origami, writing, dancing, making friends, making funny faces in the mirror, driving, staying healthy, scuba diving, watching television, daisies, silly string, kissing, jokes, string cheese, books, art, fishing, thai food, laughing, hot chocolate, gum, jewelry, flamingos, being creative, watching movies, cursing, pizza and beer, sitting in the shade during a sunny day, spring time, skipping, cheap white wine, the feeling of sun, finding seashells, making friendship bracelets, listening to cds on repeat, gift wrapping, living, having creativity, collecting boxes, fortune cookies, late night ice cream runs, taking pictures, utilizing the wonder of caller i.d., sneezing, the feeling of being surrounded by people and their creative energy, manicures, always having someone to call and talk with, oranges, a huge glass of cold water, nice pens, the feeling of accomplishment, and being in love. i felt like i needed to do that today. i have been in a very complimentary mood all day and it's kept me awake and thinking so i figure i better do something with that feeling before it departs me forever. so, today was my last movement class. very sad feeling had by all. i loved that class. it restored my faith in myself as an actor and person. it also restored my faith in acting teachers at emerson college. i am so glad i got to surround myself with those talented people for 14 weeks, i learned something from each and everyone of them and it's not often i can honestly say that. i hope i feel this feeling again sometime soon. it's the simple things in life that make it worth living. i can't wait to get home. my mind is clouded with all of the things i want to do! i need to do! i must do! people i need to see! people i need to hug and catch up with. i really just can't wait. i don't feel like going to sleep right now. i don't know why. it's just not in me tonight, i guess. tomorrow farmer premiere's, kinda nervous, excited, and i don't know what else. i just want to see it and have that moment be over. it's gonna look like a real film...craaazy! i hope i get a copy to bring down to the fam, that would be awesome. tomorrow also marks the end of my fall semester in my junior year. i just can't get over that fact...very daunting. i got an awesome idea for a solo performance, i want to fine tune it more but it's pretty risky. i really liked doing the solo performance. maybe one day i will actually create a show...who knows. just ideas floating around in my head for now. i also have goals for next year... see more performances. frequent the museum more often. get into a play. work out at least once a week. stop picking my fingers. don't procrastinate as much. educate myself outside of the college world. write, write, write. observe the world. and that's it for now...have a nice day.

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December 14th, 2004

Subject: yayyy! Time: 11:42 pm Current Mood: exhausted

pics are up from the 80's office xmas party. i am working on the other hundreds of pictures i took that weekend. i realize i am kind of ridiculous when it comes to pictures. so my scenes went up and i think i did alright. i am pleased that i did well and that it's over. i am so sick of school. buuuut, LESS THAN A WEEK!

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December 12th, 2004

Current Music: jason mraz Time: 02:43 pm Current Mood: content

i am in love with soy crisps. they are SO GOOD! this weekend is proving to be quite picture worthy.

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December 10th, 2004

Current Music: jason mraz Time: 09:33 am Current Mood: excited

11 days.

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December 9th, 2004

Current Music: phantom planet Subject: whoa. Time: 12:54 pm Current Mood: okay

well, my performances went well. my movement performance was AWESOME, it turned out really well which i am quite pleased to say so. i had a lot of fun working with my group...good times. every performance in the class was unbelievable. they were so well done and thought out. the assignment was for each person to pick out a dream they vividly remember and we were to perform those dreams as a group. i did that assignment in my other movement class when i first got here but now i have realized how much i have grown as a person and as an actor...it was really nice to have basically the same exercise at the begining and near the end of my training here. i really wish someone would have video taped it. anyways, my risky journal solo performance thing went ok. at first i was really disappointed that the dates that were chosen weren't exciting, emotional, or gossipy. but life isn't always that way and i felt i ended the piece with an entry that really did show some sort of emotional side to me. i am just glad it's over! another person's performance was to teach people how to skateboard and i definitely got up there and did it. i rocked. then there were races between all of the skateboard people and i won over all! of course i didn't tell people i used to skate in middle school...that's on the DL. shhh! i had a lot of fun though and i walked out of class happy and light. rehersals are going well, the performance is coming up and i am highly nervous! filming is this weekend and i am ready. supposedly kevin spacey is going to be at the location on sunday! too bad i don't think i will be there, but MAYBE. that would rock so much!!! i have to go to dress rehersals on sunday instead, which is fine but...ITS KEVIN SPACEY! sigh. the sugar heaven sleep over is this weekend. monday is another dress rehersal. tuedsay is the performance. wednesday i have to see a performance for one of my classes and write a paper for it. POO! thursday is when farmer and sunshine pariscope premires! friday i am probably working. aaand it's ashley's last day, that buttface! (just kidding) saturday is my stupid performance as a cultural critic exam. YUCK. i mean, COME ON who in their right mind gives an exam on a saturday morning!?!?! oh that's right...EMERSON. and later that night i have to see nick's performance at Greene St. sunday i am probably working. and hopefully seeing Enrico and Bud's performance aaaaand seeing the premieres of the film 2's and 3's. next next monday is my ethics exam. next next tuesday is HOME! :) wow. i just got really overwhelmed!

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December 7th, 2004

Time: 10:58 pm Current Mood: drained

i went on the search for a new journal but apparently i am really picky about my journals so i didn't find one. i am on my last page and holding out writing until i find a nice, new one. i like it when random happenings occur. i just don't like it when they end in mcdonald's. specifically when they end with me in mcdonald's ordering and then eating food. my stomach still hurts. no good. blah. i haven't really been in the mood to write here lately. it's losing its luster, i suppose. i am much more interested in reading people's journals. it's a glimpse into their psyche. i guess the reason why i am thinking about all of this stuff is becuase i have this solo performance tomorrow. it's not a big deal, but it's a final project thing in one of my classes. i am mildly freaking out only because i chose (i don't know why) to do a performance where my journals are the ready-mades, and with the help of audience participation, they will give me dates within a specific time period i will flip to that date in my journal and just read. ballsy, huh? stupid, huh? i can't believe i am doing this. i am only taking two of my journals, not all four. i couldn't let myself do all four and plus, there is a five to ten minute time limit. i don't think it'll be that bad though. if it is...oh well. it's theatre. theatre is only interesting if it's dangerous. at least that is my opinon. so...not only did i fall asleep in ethics, i fell asleep in world drama too! oh the torture. i really don't have anything of interest to say if you couldn't tell, but that's usual, right? 14 more days.

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December 2nd, 2004

Subject: little bits... Time: 10:04 am

it's december already. how that happened i will never know. i got employee of the month. yay! now i can quit! :/ i walked into my ethics class, handed in my paper, and walked out. i felt bad but i need to do my world drama paper so much more than sit there and talk about legalizing pot. i think i am getting sick. well, i KNOW i am getting sick just based on my sleeping habits this week. i go to bed sooo late (if i sleep at all) and then i wake up at the butt ass crack of dawn. this is the week from hell. but all this stress will be over around 8pm tonight! i feel very PUNK today. maybe it's my outfit. i hate papers. i hate school. i hate not sleeping.

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Current Music: frou frou "let go" Time: 02:08 am Current Mood: stressed

anyone willing to give me a back rub?

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December 1st, 2004

Subject: haha! Time: 12:22 am

guitars are love brought to you by the isLove Generator             having fun is love brought to you by the isLove Generator

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November 30th, 2004

Time: 12:19 pm

i will be home at 9:05 am on dec. 21st and i am leaving at 7:30 am on jan. 15th... get ready kids!

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Current Music: garden state soundtrack Time: 04:55 am Current Mood: exhausted

i am feeling so many things right now. music does it to me. maybe lack of sleep too. is it wrong that i really want to smoke right now? probably not. whatever, who cares. it's almost 5 in the morning. in a little more than an hour i will have been up for 24 hours. today is a long day. tomorrow is longer. merging into one day since there is no sleep to be had. caring just isn't something i can do right now. i need to get out. my schedule for next semester: INTERMED TAP DANCE - MARCANTONIO, VALERY 2.00 MW 9:00-10:45 ADV ACT:AUDITIONS & MONOLOGUES - PEABODY, DOSSY 4.00 MW 12:00-2:45 WEATHER/GLOB CLIMATE - PAPANDREA, BENJAMIN 4.00 TR 10:00-11:45 HISTORY OF PHOTO - MCNEIL, BRIAN 4.00 TR 2:00-3:45 pretty sweet, huh? i can't wait to see liz! and finally, because my brother told me to: who is your favorite dead celebrity?

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November 22nd, 2004

Subject: i thought it was appropriate... Time: 08:11 pm Current Mood: blah

You Are the Stuffing You're complicated and complex, yet all your pieces fit together. People miss you if you're gone - but they're not sure why. What Part of Thanksgiving Are You? i just found out that i got into another FPS film! i will be playing a waitress, i am psyched. little but fun part. i can't wait for thanksgiving! because then comes: -filming for the rest of maia's film one. (yipppeeee!) -filming for copy editor. (woo hoo!) -my scenes go up! (yay for the topless scene! :?) -premiere of farmer. (HOLY SHIT!!! FINALLY!) -HOOOOOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and now for some random thoughts: i am a big ball of misconceptions. assupmtions taken over by my outward personality. i feel like people don't know me fully until they learn the part i have burried inside me. i am a living contradiction. (and so are you) nothing is sacred. i bought the garden state cd...it's fantastic. there is never no reason why. i am not going to pierce or tattoo anything until i give blood. i wish my life was a normal one. but sometimes it seems that normal is just a lie. i can't wait to go home. for multiple reasons.

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November 19th, 2004

Current Music: modest mouse. Time: 12:41 pm Current Mood: creative

Ten Random Things About Me: . i have four journals. three completed, one almost there. i love to write, like...physically write. it helps me deal with life. and those journals are my most prized possession. . i am beginning to hate candy and sugar. i get major headaches after i eat candy. thanks sugar heaven! . i am working to create a charity for homeless women and children as well as womens rights. i just have to find some time to actually go through with it. . i hated school until college. middle school especially, i just didn't feel like i fit in. high school was alright, but i kept busy so i wouldn't have to worry about fitting in and now in college i could really care less if people like me or not. . i hate tuesdays. the weirdest shit always happens to me on tuesdays. . i can make music with my sinuses and my belly can talk. . i almost always have a song stuck in my head. . coming to emerson has probably been one of the best decisions i have ever made. or getting out of florida. . i develop crushes quite easily. . i am loving life right now. Nine Places I've Visited: . st. croix . hawaii . california . new york city . toronto . st. maartin . maine . cabo san lucas, mexico . costa rica Eight Things I Want To Do Before I Die: . go to a fortune teller and get my palms read . learn how to play some drums . get a pedicure . learn another language . visit australia, london, paris, italy, barcelona, china, brazil . shave my head . go to a costume party . be on the letterman show Seven Things To Win My Heart: . accept my flaws. . love art or be an artist (or BOTH!) . play some sort of instrument. . be funny. really funny. but let me be funny too. . show affection. . appreciate me and what i do for you; say thanks. . have fun with me, don't be afraid to be crazy. Six Things I Believe In: . love. . art is a true expression of ones self. if not, the truest. . one person changes the world. at least that's how it starts. . my friends. i surround myself with talented, unique, fun, and intelligent people and i have no doubt in my mind that every single one of my friends can achieve what they want. . there is no such thing as a normal person. . helping people is one of the best things you can do with your time. Five Things I'm Afraid Of: . failure. . mice. or rodents in general, rather. . birds. . natural disasters. . being the victim. Four Favorite Items in My Room . my pictures. so many of them! . my bed, now that it is finally here and put together! . my sky light. . my clothes. mounds and mounds of them. Three Things I Do Every Day: . turn on the bathroom light. . change clothes. . breathe. Two Things I'm Trying Not To Do Right Now: . procrastinate. all i want to do is relax on my day off, but i know i can't. . worry. about everything. One Person I Want To See Right Now: . my grandma. I scored a 69% on the "How Emerson College Are You?" Quizie! What about you?</b>

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November 17th, 2004

Subject: thank goodness tuesday is over! Time: 09:50 am

the director, nadia, is in the yellow and green striped shirt. to nadia's left is dan, my boyfriend in the film, and to nadia's right is ryan, the director of photography (the one with the camera!). going around in a clockwise circle after ryan is sabine (the AC), talia (the AD), and tim (lighting dude). that's from reality shock disorder, the film i did this weekend. :) so much going on. i pulled an 18 hour day yesterday. it was fun, i can't believe i am functioning right now. i really enjoy jasmine green tea with a little honey, it wakes me up in the morning and keeps me up for a while. much needed. i need to learn how to talk to boys. i get so flustered. i drive myself mad. i got spit on yesterday, i'll share the story later. it's better if i act it out though. it was tuesday. now it's wednesday!

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